DAMNIT!! My charting software moved my ovulation date forward four days. FOUR DAYS!?! To the one day we didn’t baby dance. I am beyond pissed. How could we have missed the boat by FOUR FREAKING DAYS!?!???
I really suck at monitoring my fertility signs. Or, my fertility signs suck. I can’t tell which. Oh don’t get me wrong – I monitor the signs religiously, checking constantly, never missing a chance to feel myself up or log into the software and write down every little headache, stomach cramp, twitch and pang I experience. I do occasionally just completely miss the alarm and not take my temp till about an hour later, but the one temp that I think threw the whole calculation off this cycle was actually taken at the right time, so that shouldn’t have affected anything. I just think my body doesn’t ever really tell me what I need to know.
For one thing, I don’t get eggwhite CM. Ever. Not even once. The best it ever gets is watery. For another thing, I don’t get ovulation pain. And because of all that, this month we added ovulation predictor kits to the mix just to give us that one little extra confirmation, so that instead of guessing based on my weird CM, we could actually know for sure (at least within a 36 hour window). And you know what happened?? I got TWO freaking positive OPKs. On different days. Two days apart. With negative tests in between. A whole three days before TCOYF says I ovulated. WTF???? Am I just stupid and don’t know how to take the damn test?
I thought I was being awesomely rational and calm this cycle. I thought I was even just going to breeze through the two week wait without testing and without obsessing about it. I thought all this because I really thought we had it this cycle! We made it our goal to have sex every day as long as we thought O was still possible. Even if we didn’t get KU this cycle, at least I could look back on that chart and say, “We did everything right, we had sex every day and didn’t miss O day this time!” I could look at the chart and be hopeful that there was a good chance this time. Of course I know there is still a chance. But honestly – given that we know how hard it is for those who have sex on O day to get pregnant – would you be hopeful in my case? My guess is probably not.
I cried over the BFNs I’ve had, I cried over the possibility of a miscarriage. Never before has my chart made me want to cry. Until today.