Wow. This is something I never thought I would do…blog about my journey trying to get knocked up. But alas, here I am. And I can’t even really call it a journey yet. It’s been, like, a month. But, ya know, everyone else is blogging about it these days so why the hell not? Even if no one ever reads this except for maybe Bec and Mrs. C and Babs and D and D, possibly even my own husband, my two guy friends (who are probably a little creeped out already by this subject) and whichever poor souls who manage to stumble across it, then so be it. (Okay… wow. That is a lot of people, actually….) Anyway, at least I can get all my thoughts and feelings down somewhere so I can stop feeling so crazy. (Wait, what am I talking about? I AM crazy. No amount of blogging will change this fact.)
So, to recap the last 6 weeks… (Note, for the 2 guys out there that might read this, if you are squeemish you may want to skip the details….)
Week 1: Mr. K and I decided to get knocked up. This happened because he told me that I would no longer have any friends if I didn’t get knocked up ASAP, because again, everyone else is doing it. I am a sucker for peer pressure.
Weeks 2-3: We enjoy BDing (for those of you that don’t know the lingo, BD = Baby Dancing, also known as “Doing It”) more than we ever thought possible. 9 times in 10 days is some kinda record at our house. I discontinue nightly alcohol.
Weeks 3 – 3 1/2: We wait.
Week 3 1/2 We wait some more. I get impatient, POAS (Pee On A Stick) like 11 times in 7 days, and go insane.
Week 3 3/4: Stop being insane because insanity would be bad should potential embryo be actually surviving in my ute, so instead I start talking myself into the idea that I am not knocked up.
Week 4-5: Pray for an end to the waiting and decide that Cycle #2 would be a blessing, because it would mean no more waiting. Realize that when you want something bad enough and have been working toward it with all your might, not getting is just as disappointing at attempt #1 as it is at attempt #100. Not getting what you have been working for sucks, no matter how you slice it.
Week 5: Finally feel blessed to be on to the next round, and then proceed to FREAK THE HELL OUT over every little stupid thing known to man. Including dying my hair, drinking after dark, and breathing smog. Get a pre-conception appointment where I am told I am in good shape and shouldn’t worry. Worry anyway, and call doc 2 more times after appointment to confirm that I am not pickling my unconceived child with Splenda, caffeine, permanent hair dye, and red wine.
Week 5 1/2: Go on a week long drinking binge and decide to throw out all the previous several days’ freak-outs. Stop BDing for a purpose and start doing it for fun. Dye my hair. Eat some unpasteurized cheese and maybe some lunchmeat. Decide that it is still okay to let whatever happens happen.
So that bring us up to date. I can safely say that I am much more at peace this cycle than I was last cycle. Perhaps that is because I spent the first 7 days of this cycle #2 losing my mind because I thought I’d blown it, so much so that I finally had to decide that it was okay just to relax. I KNOW I KNOW people HATE it when others say that, and I am not ever going to say that it was the key to me getting preggers this cycle if, by some chance, I DO in fact get pregnant this cycle. I’m just saying it felt so good to just not worry about it and have some faith. That’s all. It just felt good to give myself a chill pill.
And so, with all that is behind and all that is ahead, I look forward to our journey. I love my husband more than life itself, and as my good friend D said to me the other day, I need to just “enjoy the process and create life out of love and stop concentrating on a stop watch.” For now, that works for me. I know that someday the love K and I have for each other will grow exponentially when we are lucky enough to add another little being to our life.